There’s something that happens when you walk in a level of knowing how awesome you are. Not a conceited-and-self-obsessed-but-actually-blind type of “awesome.” But an awesomeness out of the deep knowledge that you know who you are. You know who you were created to be. You know what parts are you and what parts are baggage and defense mechanisms. There is POWER in knowing yourself and possessing self-awareness. When you have the language and the courage to be fully YOU, you can better be used. When you know where you begin and end, you are more likely to act out of love and grace. YOU CANNOT GIVE WHAT YOU DO NOT HAVE. You want to lead others into freedom? Well, are YOU walking in freedom? If you don’t have it, you can’t give it.
Baggage and defense mechanisms make us selfish – centered around protecting ourselves. It affects more aspects of our lives than we realize. A level of protection is healthy. You need to steward what you have in yourself. But I don’t think I’m alone when I say that I took this to an extreme. The world is scary and people are risky. Walking in wholeness makes it easier, but you have to say “yes” to it. You have to say “yes” to working through your defense mechanisms.
This semester I walked into a season of singleness. No dating! Not that big of a deal…until I developed an interest for someone. Then shame crept in because “real followers of the Lord can keep that stuff in check. Real Christians can keep themselves from having the feels for someone.” HA! Maybe that’s how it works for some people, but I am definitely not one of them. I prayed – God didn’t take away the interest. I had to learn how to deal. I didn’t do it perfectly. He told me about his interest in me, and though I made it clear that I wouldn’t date until June, my heart started getting involved. I invested a bit more than I should have. It took off, glided, and then landed again. It was my season and I am more ME because of it.
It was NOT a failure. My season of singleness was not the end destination. It was a foundation and something to come back to. My interest in someone looked like a huge weakness in my character, but turned out to be an area I grew in confidence. I can honestly say that I am proud of myself and that is NOT something I could say 3 months ago.
3 months ago, I was walking with my baggage and defense mechanisms. You could even say: I was not fully myself.
This semester of CGA was challenging. It brought out things in me I wish I could leave in the dark. Darkness breads shame and stagnancy and I’m not about to have that! So I chose “yes.”
And because of that, I am walking in a new level of freedom. The dating thing is just ONE area. Because of freedom and being confident in the TRUE ME, I can be better used by God. And that’s what I’m here for. To be used. I’m not here to sit back and soak in my freshly-realized awesomeness in the Lord. I’m here to soak in the infinitely-realized awesomeness of my Creator and do everything I can to glorify Him. That soaking leads me to action in obedience.
I hope you’ll join with me. Say “yes” to the hard work of self-awareness and wading through the mud of past baggage. It’s way better on the other side. Trust Him.
