I’m going to let you in on a real-time conversation I’m having with the Lord. Real-time in the sense that it happened a few minutes ago…
Me: Lord, I want to trust you. I hear you ask me if I trust you. I often (or always) say yes. At the time I believe that I do. Then trouble hits and I question. I don’t want to waver in it. I want to trust. I NEED to trust you. I’m hurting and you’re the only unchanging thing in my life. I’m exhausted and tired of everything being so challenging. Everything is challenging. Is that how it’s supposed to be?
God: Maybe you shouldn’t go to work tomorrow?
Me: …I only work once or twice a week and I need the money.
God: You need Me more.
Me: …True. I guess that’s why I forgot to email them my plan for the week like I usually do. Okay, I won’t go into work, but I still want to wake up early like I planned.
God: Ok. Just spend it with Me, doing the things that bring you life: art museums, music, writing, exploring, silence.
Me: WAIT! But I have so many other things to do!
God: But you aren’t fully doing them when you’re empty. Choose Me first.
Me: I feel shame that I won’t be doing more. A whole day of not working and no tangible thing to show for it seems like a waste. I should meet with people, write blogs, fundraise, clean, finish the things on my to-do list…
God: You’re in a works-based mindset again. You need to not work for a day and let me re-calibrate your mind to Me. You NEED to trust me and this is the first step…
Yeah, that’s some vulnerability for you. It’s extremely vulnerable for me to share a struggle I’m CURRENTLY having, so here you go.
Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m the only one going through this right now. You might be reading this and know it’s you. Maybe those persons will never read this, but there is at least one person in our 7.4 BILLION person world that is struggling too. Pray for us. We need to experience more of God’s love. We need to praise Him in the storm of this because He deserves it. And we need the courage to say “no” to a works-based mindset.
***There’s a Part 2. Click to read more ***
